"Brick Killed A Guy"

Or so says Ron Burgandy, played by Will Ferrell, in the cult classic Anchorman.

• "Did you throw a trident?"
• "Ya. There were horses and a man on fire and I killed a guy with a trident."

It's all in fun. Just a movie. Just for laughs.

And in that case, I guess this statement released from Miami that scrolled on ESPN's bottom line this afternoon is all for laughs too...

"Stallworth get's 30 days' jail in fatality"


I'm sorry? Did I not read this court case correctly? Because last I checked,
"Donte' Killed A Guy"

For those of you just tuning in to this March incident, here's the case.

• On the evening of March 13th, NFL wide receiver Donte' Stallworth went out for a night on the town in Miami, Florida. Stallworth was most likely in high spirits on this night because hours earlier he had been informed he would receive a $4.5 million roster bonus from the Cleveland Browns. The evening went into the early hours of the morning when, for whatever reason, Stallworth decided to call it quits at the Fountainebleau Hotel; a "swanky hotel bar". He jumped into his black 2005 Bentley and proceeded to his desired destination. Enter 59 year old Mario Reyes, a construction crane operator, who was rushing to catch a bus after finishing his shift at about 7:15 a.m. Not in a crosswalk, Reyes went to cross a Miami street that had a 40 MPH speed zone. Stallworth, who police estimate was traveling around 50 MPH, allegedly flashed his lights to warn Reyes he was coming. Still it did not register with the pedestrian and Mario Reyes was struck and pronounced dead. Stallworth stopped after the crash and immediately dialed 911. When police arrived, Stallworth notified them he had hit Reyes. Stallworth had a blood-alcohol level of .126 after the crash, well above Florida's .08 limit.

Now, personally, I could care less if Stallworth honked his horn and shined flood lights at Reyes. I could care less if he immediately called police and admitted to blood-alcohol tests. It wouldn't even matter if the wide-out offered to pay for the funeral and supply the Reyes family with cash for life.

The fact remains- "Donte' Killed A Guy".


Don't get me wrong. I'm not calling for a noose here. But think about this sentence that the Miami-Dade court issued to Stallworth:
30 days in jail (in which he only has to serve 24), two years house arrest following jail release, and eight years probation.

Call it beating the system or call it an honest punishment. All I know is I "Googled" DUI manslaughter sentences and found some 3 cases in the first 2 pages alone that described 20 and 30 year jail times for men in the same circumstance.

What this court proved is that no matter how many long island ice-tea's or rum and Cokes you have, as long as you immediately call police and handle yourself accordingly in the following weeks (as if you'd go off and do it again anyway?!) you can get off with a slap on the wrist.

Sure there are those of you who would argue that 2 years of house arrest is basically like jail time. I would disagree. Watch the movie Disturbia and tell me Shia Labeouf doesn't have it made in the shade compared to "dropping the soap". Ya, because the catch in this "plea agreement" is that, although far fetched, Stallworth is eligible to compete for an NFL franchise while on house arrest. Now make your argument.

This whole thing is ridiculous and I could go on, but I'll just stop here. My only hope is that Donte' feels repercussions from a "higher power" because, in my mind, the higher power of our government did not issue a punishment that fits the bill.